Photographer: Tali Photography — Photographer: Tali Photography

The vision of having your “bride tribe” all be besties may not always mirror reality. Each bridesmaid brings her own personality, likes and dislikes, and opinions. They are human, after all! And while each one has a special place in your heart, it’s normal if they don’t necessarily see eye to eye or share in that same love when it comes to each other. Coming to this realization can be an anxiety inducer for any bride...especially if there’s been a falling out or clash in the group. Rest assured you’re not alone! Believe it or not, this is a pretty common issue. This article aims to help you navigate through a situation we are all too familiar with—girl drama.

What can you do if your bridesmaids don’t get along?

Having all your go-to girls with you on your big day seems like a match made in heaven. However, sometimes this blessing may end up being a double-edged sword. Odds are, you may know your bridesmaids thanks to different times throughout your life (your childhood, your highschool years, your post-grad experiences, work, etc.) And, while you’d like to envision your group getting along (I mean, why wouldn’t they??) sometimes the reality of it is that you’re dealing with very different people.

When opposing personalities clash, it is not uncommon to catch the occasional “evil eye” being thrown in the direction of another girl. It can be difficult for some to meet and interact with others who have also held a very special place in your heart—we can all get jealous now and again! However, working through this new dynamic may seem awkward and uncomfortable.

While this is not an issue for all brides—we sincerely hope it won't be for you—Savvy is here to advise you on how to handle the situation if and when things get uncomfortable.

Here’s our bottom line advice—do NOT let bridesmaid drama (or any drama for that matter) ruin your special day.

While they may be the best of the bunch for you, this does not guarantee smooth sailing between them. And guess what? That’s okay! Remember, no matter how much you may want it, you cannot force a friendship between two people. These girls mean more than anything to you, right? How could they end up being the troublemakers during planning, much less on your big day? All of these questions may be swarming your head, but at some point you may have to accept that their relationship (or lack thereof) is one thing that’s simply out of your control.

Your wedding day can still be amazing even without the bestie “bride tribe” you envisioned. Take heart... this is your day and NO one can take that away from you.

With all of this in mind, we want to include some of our personal tips as to how you can make this situation more bearable. We hope that these will give you more confidence in your ability to handle these situations if/when they arise. Remember, you’ve got this.

TIps for when your bridesmaids
don’t get along

Inform: Give your bridesmaids a heads up on any notable personality differences in advance. This can help to level set expectations. What one may perceive as rudeness may just be a bridesmaid with extreme shyness or social anxiety in a new setting. Especially if your tribe comes from different cultural backgrounds, there may be some cultural nuance or language barriers at play. Don’t let politics, religion or strong opinions (such as taboo subjects) cast a shadow on your planning or your big day.

Do not take it personally: Personalities often clash— even in a perfect world this is normal! It is important to keep in mind that any disagreements they have between them is not about you. Nor does not reflect the friendship they share with you. Each friendship and bridesmaid is unique, keep that in mind if differences pop up between one another.

Do not take sides: Remind the girls that your role is not to isolate anyone, so your own opinions will stay private. All that would do is put up barriers between people. Stay on neutral ground and avoid the drama as much as possible.

Listen without judging: While it is important not to take sides, it is also important to listen to the opinions of your friends—especially when it deals with hurt feelings. Some of the issues that may arise may be totally valid and necessary to address. Listening objectively to understand both sides shows you care and aren’t about picking sides.

Include everyone: Give everyone tasks for the day to avoid one bridesmaid feeling left out or unimportant. Plan a bridesmaid outing prior to the big day! This will give you all some necessary bonding time—do we hear a "girls night out?" Go get a glass of wine and relax! If possible, take time to talk about the impact each one has had on your life—after all, some people say you are the average of the five people you spend the most time. Remind the girls that you are made up of little parts of each one of them. This stresses the importance of unity among you all as well.

Ignore it: Sometimes the best solution is to tune it out. This is your day and you have every right to turn a blind eye to those who choose to fuel the fire with pettiness. Look for the little wins and control what you can. Keep in mind that any major life transition (yes, even the happy ones such as weddings) can sometimes cause people in our lives to behave strangely and out of character. At the end of the day, if someone’s toxicity is relentless, you may already be at the point of re-evaluating the friendship before your walk down the aisle.

Photographer: Divine Day Photography — Photographer: Divine Day Photography

—

Drama is never fun to deal with, and it can be especially stressful when it's surrounding your big day. Remind your girls that their job is to stand by your side and support you... not make a new BFF. Cast all drama aside and enjoy your wonderful day.