SAVVY ADVICE: WHAT IF MY BRIDESMAIDS DON'T GET ALONG?

 
 Photographer: Tali Photography

Photographer: Tali Photography

The vision to have your “bride tribe” be besties may not always mirror reality on your big day. While each one has a special place in your heart, they may not always share in that same love when it comes to one another. Coming to this realization can be an anxiety inducer for any bride... but you are not alone! Believe it or not, this is a more common issue than one would like to think. This installment of Savvy's blog aims to help you navigate through a situation we are all too familiar with—girl drama.

Having all your go-to girls with you on your big day seems like a match made in heaven. However, sometimes this blessing may end up being a double-edged sword. Odds are, most of your bridesmaids are coming from very different periods in your life (your childhood, your school years, your post-grad experiences, etc.) And, while you would like to envision your group getting along (I mean, why wouldn’t they??) sometimes the reality of it is that you’re dealing with very different people.  

When opposing personalities clash, it is not uncommon to catch the occasional “evil eye” being thrown in the direction of another girl. It can be difficult for some to meet and interact with others who have also held a very special place in your heart—we can all get jealous now and again! However, working through this new dynamic may seem awkward and uncomfortable.

While this is not an issue for all brides—we sincerely hope it won't be for you—Savvy is here to advise you on how to handle the situation if/when the claws come out.

 Photographer:  David Bastianoni

Photographer:  David Bastianoni

Here’s our bottom line advice—do NOT let catty bridesmaids ruin your day!

While they may be the best of the bunch for you, this does not guarantee smooth sailing between them. Remember, no matter how much you may want it, you cannot force a friendship between two people. These girls mean more than anything to you, right?  How could they end up being the troublemakers of your big day? All of these questions may be swarming your head, but at some point you may have to accept that this drama is one thing that is out of your control. So, try to not dwell on it too much! 

Your wedding day can still be amazing even without the strong “bride tribe” you envisioned. Take heart... this is your day and NO one can take that away from you.

With all of this in mind, we wanted to include some of our personal tips as to how you can make this situation more bearable. We hope that these will give you more confidence in your ability to handle these situations if/when they arise.

|Tips|

Inform: Let your bridesmaids know of personality differences in advance. What one may take as being rude may just mean the bridesmaid is shy in a social setting. If your friend from high school is shy and reserved, let your boisterous college roommate know of her personality to avoid any misconceptions! Don’t let politics, religion or strong opinions (taboo subjects) cast a shadow on your day. It is important to be upfront with your girls and let them know of their differences. 

Do not take it personally: Personalities often clash—some would even say this is normal! It is important to keep in mind that their fighting is not about you. Their cattiness does not reflect the friendship they share with you. Each friendship and bridesmaid is unique, keep that in mind if differences pop up between one another.

Do not take sides: Remind the girls that your role is not to isolate anyone, so your own opinions will stay private.  All that would do is put up barriers between people. Stay on neutral ground and avoid the drama as much as possible.

Listen: While it is important not to take sides, it is also important to listen to the opinions of your friends—especially when it deals with hurt feelings. Some of the issues that may arise may be totally valid and necessary to address. Listening shows you care.

Include everyone: Give everyone equal tasks for the day to avoid one bridesmaid feeling left out or unimportant. Plan a bridesmaid outing prior to the big day! This will give you all some necessary bonding time—do we hear a "girls night out?" Go get a glass of wine and relax! Take time to talk about the impact each one has had on your life—after all, some people say you are the average of the five people you spend the most time. Remind the girls that you are made up of little parts of each one of them. This stresses the importance of unity among you all as well. 

Ignore it: Sometimes the best solution is to tune it out. This is your day and you have every right to turn a blind eye to those who choose to fuel the fire with pettiness. Look for the little wins and control what you can. 

 Photographer: Divine Day Photography

Photographer: Divine Day Photography

Drama is never fun to deal with, and it can be especially stressful when it's surrounding your big day. Remind your girls that their job is to stand by your side and support you... not make a new BFF. Cast all drama aside and enjoy your wonderful day!